Put 'it' in front of 'actually'.

[quote]"Although it appears that cell phones help us to conveniently communicate with one another, actually it destroys our communication and interpersonal skills by confining us from only communicating with each other through the virtual world instead of interacting with the people right in front of us. "[/quote] Try something like: Although it appears cell phones help us to conveniently communicate with one another, it actually destroys our communication and interpersonal skills by confining communication solely through a virtual world as opposed to physically interacting with the people in front of us.

[quote=1434neopets]"Although it appears that cell phones help us to conveniently communicate with one another, actually it destroys our communication and interpersonal skills by confining us from only communicating with each other through the virtual world instead of interacting with the people right in front of us. " [/quote] Hm. Do you want your thesis to be more concise/ coherent, or do you like how long it is? (I used to be a pre-English major, until I dropped out. I don't do grammar, but I love editing for coherency/ sentence flow, when I'm thinking clearly) EDIT: I see Dmitri helped while I was typing xD

[center] [quote]"Although it appears that cell phones help us to conveniently communicate with one another, actually it destroys our communication and interpersonal skills by confining us from only communicating with each other through the virtual world instead of interacting with the people right in front of us.[/quote] Since cell phones (plural) are the subject, the subject should remain plural... [quote]Although it appears that cell phones help us to conveniently communicate with one another, actually they destroy our communication and interpersonal skills by confining us to only communicating with each other through the virtual world, rather than interacting with people right in front of us.[/quote] Pickiness on my part... adding the subject "it" into the first sentence seems... kind of useless and misleading. I'd rearrange that a bit: [quote]Although cell phones appear to help us more conveniently communicate with one another, they actually destroy our communication and interpersonal skills by confining us to only communicating with each other through the virtual world, rather than interacting with people right in front of us.[/quote] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [url=http://www.neopets.com/browseshop.phtml?owner=raine_storme&misc]~~ Come visit my map shop ~~[/url] [/center]

[quote=1434neopets][quote=lilly][quote=1434neopets]"Although it appears that cell phones help us to conveniently communicate with one another, actually it destroys our communication and interpersonal skills by confining us from only communicating with each other through the virtual world instead of interacting with the people right in front of us. " [/quote] Hm. Do you want your thesis to be more concise/ coherent, or do you like how long it is? )[/quote] I think the longer the better. My professor gave us a template for thesis construction and one of the examples from the sheet is this: "Although it might seem that we should think that ____ we should really think that ___ because ___." So I'm guessing he likes thesis to be clear and straight to the point. [/quote] Ah, okay. (I should note, I am NOT an expert, we've probably got people much, much better at spelling/grammar/writing on this board) K, my 2 cents. Hope this helps, it may or may not. Oh, if I may ask, are you comfortable sharing what grade you're in? That influences just how 'good' it needs to be, in my experience. If you want it to be "clear and straight to the point," What I would do... (take with a huge grain of salt) "Although it appears that cell phones help us to conveniently communicate with one another, " Very nice. The 'to conveniently' could maybe be dropped, and added in the second part of the sentence. That would make the first part easier to read/understand. "actually it destroys our communication and interpersonal skills by" By the time I get to 'interpersonal', I've had too many large words, too close together. Alternatives: *Using the term 'cell phones' instead of 'actually it,' so that the sentence reads 'Cell phones destroy' *Alternately, if you decided to drop 'conveniently' from the first segment, you could say 'this convenience destroys...' OR 'these convenient devices destroy...' *The 'by' at the end might by unnecessary. More on that in the next segment. *It really should be 'destroy', not 'destroys' -- but you'll have to change the sentence so destroy makes sense. "confining us from only communicating with each other through the virtual world instead of interacting with the people right in front of us." You could use 'and' instead of 'by' in the previous segment, and change the words in THIS segment to make them more smooth. I'm not sure I understand what you're saying in this segment.... Oh! Should it be 'by confining us to only communicating' instead of 'from only'? I think 'to' instead of 'from' would make sense. "confining us from only communicating with each other through the virtual world instead of interacting with the people right in front of us." *You could say 'by confining us to virtual communication... (instead of...)' if you want to make that segment clearer. Part of making something sound good is what tense it's in -- something I never quite got in college =p But that's why I recommended some of the changes I did, to make your words sounds 'active' (present/future tense) vs. 'passive' (past tense). I'm not sure I made the right changes. I tried to give feedback instead of "this is how you could write it," so it'll be in your own words. One other thing: Convenience =/= destroyed communication skills. They're ... mutually exclusive, I believe the term is. You can have one AND the other. Something can be convenient AND destroy interpersonal skills, at the same time. Cell phone communication, on the other hand, DOES destroy interpersonal skills, right? That's your argument? So, "Although it appears that cell phones help us to conveniently communicate with one another," The 'conveniently' is misleading, because convenience is, I assume, not what you're debating about. You're talking about interpersonal skills, aka 'communication.' I'd get rid of the convenience, and include it later in the sentence, as I suggested above, so the reader doesn't get confused. *** Wow, that was confusing! I hope some of that helps. If not, tell me.