[quote=lilly]I won't copy and paste again xD But yep, I agreed/ liked all your responses. That is what I'd recommend. You could use 'erode' instead of destroy, if you like. And if you have time, I'd REALLY recommend going to the learning center, too. Part of going there is learning just what your teachers wants, and that varies a bit. And I agree with Jadentearz [quote=jadentearz]If it's a serious paper such as a research thesis, I would not use "us" in the first sentence when you say "people right in front of us". It sounds very informal. [center][url=http://temptryst.deviantart.com/][/url][/center][/quote] Not sure how I'd change that, though. The learning center can help you with the rest of your paper, so it sound like 'you,' not just the thesis. I, for one, had my English teacher HATE my research paper(s), simply because I didn't go to our writing center enough. Internet isn't always the best =p The irony is that I was a research assistant for my job...[/quote] Yep. I'm going back in there again tomorrow. Just to polish things up. Now that I have a direction (thanks to all of you guys), I can now paraphrase what you guys have just mentioned/suggested.

[quote=supre_drake]Looks like I'm a bit late here. English is one of my minors so I would be happy to oblige any time you're in need of help. Don't ever use it/we/us in formal writing - which would be any type of research paper or English paper really unless otherwise stated by the professor. I would revamp your thesis, but I see that has already happened several times. Good luck with the writing center. - Kara[/quote] So far this is what I've gotten from the edits: ""Although it appears that cell phones help us to communicate with one another, this convenience actually erodes our communication and interpersonal skills by confining communication solely through a virtual world, rather than physically interacting with the people in front of us." Taking your advice into consideration (no us/we/it), I get this: ""Although cell phones appear to help cell phone users to communicate with one another, this convenience actually erodes their communication and interpersonal skills by confining their communication solely through a virtual world, rather than physically interacting with the people in front of them." That's what I got. I think it still sounds wrong.. I'll edit again later once I think of a better way on how to deal with "their". I think there might be too much of that...

[quote=raine_storme][center] K, I'm a picky writer, so I have a few corrections for the new thesis, which you can take or leave at your discretion: Hmm, "cell phones" and "cell phone users" create redundancy... Since cell phones are the only thing mentioned this far, simply using "user" should suffice. The "to" before "communicate" is not necessary. The possessive "their" is also unnecessary both times. "to the" seems to make more sense than "through", since "through" insinuates a precise path of movement through a set of surroundings... Finally, you might want to look for a way to make the last part "rather than physically interacting with the people in front of them" take on a structure more similar to the first part "to the virtual world". "Although cell phones appear to help users communicate with one another, this convenience actually erodes communication and interpersonal skills by confining communication solely to the virtual world, rather than physically interacting with the people in front of them." ------------------------------------------------------------------- [url=http://www.neopets.com/browseshop.phtml?owner=raine_storme&misc]~~ Come visit my map shop ~~[/url] [/center][/quote] Thanks Angel! Yeah. That's the difficult part -- "rather than physically interacting with the people in front of them". I want to change it so I don't have to describe what it should be. Hmm... maybe it should be virtual vs reality? "Although cell phones appear to help users communicate with one another, this convenience actually erodes communication and interpersonal skills by confining communication solely to the virtual world, rather than interacting with people in reality" --- Alright. I'm stuck on "rather than interacting with people in reality"? It sounds so weird again... *Sigh. EDIT: Second try: "Although cell phones appear to help users communicate with one another, this convenience actually erodes communication and interpersonal skills by confining communication solely to the virtual world, rather than the actuality of people around them."