LOL!!

this board will be fun :D "And the punishment god gives to the snake - who f****d up everything, remember, is "Thou shall crawl on you're belly all your days", not really a punishment for a snake, is it?" - Ricky Gervais. This is just a part of what is quite possibly the best 10 minutes in stand up comedy - ever. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_EXqdJ4L7I :D

Rule of the internet Guys = guys Girls = guys Little girls = FBI

[quote=nintendogam3master]Rule of the internet Guys = guys Girls = guys Little girls = FBI[/quote] *points to self* girl Or that's what mom told me O.O

Lol, that is so true in MMORPG's so many of those girls running around are really guys who like looking at their toon's butt. :P

This is a good one I received today though kinda long: For all Who Work With Rude Customers An award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, ' I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS'. The attendant replied, 'I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.' The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?' Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: 'May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please,' she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. 'We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS . If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14.' With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, 'F... You!' Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit)................. 'I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too.'

I got this in an e-mail awhile ago and literally LOL'd sorry its super long After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Ufortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart: Dear Mrs. Samsel, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store .. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15th: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2 . July 24th: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7th: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19th: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away. 5. August 4th: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6. August 12th: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. August 15th: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. 8. August 23rd: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' 9. September 4th: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. September 10th: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. October 3rd: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme. 12. October 6th: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels. 13. October 18th: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 14. October 21st: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but not least. 15. October 23rd: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!' Please do not return to our store.....EVER. Thank You, The Walmart Employees and Customers

[quote=Pip]I got this in an e-mail awhile ago and literally LOL'd sorry its super long After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Ufortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart: Dear Mrs. Samsel, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store .. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15th: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2 . July 24th: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7th: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19th: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away. 5. August 4th: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6. August 12th: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. August 15th: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. 8. August 23rd: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' 9. September 4th: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. September 10th: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. October 3rd: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme. 12. October 6th: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels. 13. October 18th: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 14. October 21st: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but not least. 15. October 23rd: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!' Please do not return to our store.....EVER. Thank You, The Walmart Employees and Customers[/quote] ROFL

Just recieved this joke today, thought I'd share it with you :D A boy and his dad are at a drug store, and the boy spots a condom in the bathroom. He says to his dad "Dad, who are those for?" and his dad replied "Its for Highschool students to use once a week." Then as they walk along the aisle he spots a pack of 7 condoms. He asks his dad "Dad, who are those for?" And his dad replies "Those are for college students, one for every day of the week." Then the boy spots a 12 pack of condoms and asks his dad "Dad, who are those ones for?" And his dad replies "Those are for married couples. One for september, one for october, one for november..."